Twins

I think this one might have beginning and end. (A Diner. everyone is frozen in motion. Only Alvin speaks)

Alvin: There is something that you can tell about a man's character from the time that you meet him. Heck I used to know Bozos who'd meet me at 10 a'am and offer me coffee. I always knew they were bright as a spark plug. Heck. Catch me drinking coffee at 10am. No Sirree. I am a nightbird. Now if you're lucky, you offer me coffee at 6pm, I might consider; if you're lucky.

But I'm always up for some scotch, you know what I mean? So when I spot a man, across me at the diner, with a hip flask at 10am with a label on it that says Ballantine's.

I know he's raw but he aint no fuckin spark plug.

(motion resumes)

Alvin: What's your name son?

Bob: What the fuck's in it for you?

Alvin: I beg you pardon?

Bob: You ain't no spark plug? Don't kid me. You're not here to sell me coffee are you?

Alvin: What's the matter with you? Are you a dimwit? Can't you see who I am? Here, have a drink. (pours from a magically produced bottle of single malt) It'll make you feel better.

(pours a drink).

(pause)

Bob: So what is in it for you?

Alvin: Well, you see, I am a teacher of sorts.
(drink pouring bonding routine - "cheers", pause)
And right now I'm out of pupils.

Bob: Fuckin mother dilate my pupils. Are you insane? You offer a man a good drink at 10 am. when he's been drinkin' all night and then you try to en-roll him as a student? That is a fuckin freakshow of nature man, that's out there.. that's...

(irritated re-clinking of glasses. pause, shot is consumed, second drink is poured, a cigarette is lit - Alvin's)

What the fuck do you teach anyways?

Alvin: I teach observation?

Bob: Well ring my bell, William Tell? (aggressive) Do I look like a fuckin observatory? Tell me do I look like a fuckin observatory?

Alvin: Yes. (offering a lighter instead of a match-box Bob's been struggling with)

(pause)

Every man who is not drinking coffee at 10 am. is either an observatory or is being observed by one. Which do you prefer?

(Alvin orders some coffee)

Bob: Boy, you have some ego you ...

Alvin: Son of a bitch? Come on, I can teach you better.

Bob: What..

Alvin: ..am I talking about? Join me and you'll soon find out.

(pause. Bob is dazed)

Bob: Can I have another drink?

Alvin: Only when you agree to quit.

Bob: What?

Alvin: Doubting me of course. What's wrong with you? Cat got your tongue? Here have some more whisky.

Bob: Right.

Alvin: Now come on, we have a job to do.


----

(the scene is a diner, everyone is frozen except Bob)

Bob: Alvin was a trip. You see, he always thought he had people figured out. He always thought, he was teaching them, grooming them and all, when all they were doing was taking his ideas and making them their own. You see the world wasn't as kind as it seemed to Alvin.

(motion resumes)

Well we did it Alvin. Great idea!

Alvin: That's the old school; boy. See I told ya, you would learn. Don't you love it? Ha! Here have a drink, offers some scotch.

Bob: (toying with the spoon). No thanks Pa, I'll pass. It's not like I've discovered some silver spoon hanging in my mouth.

Alvin: What?

Bob: I said I feel like I could touch the moon and that’d be going south!

Alvin: Well, that's what I feel! Now listen here Alvin. I know you feel like you've figured me out. When I was your age, I swear I thought the same pretty much about everyone around me especially the girls. Here, have some coffee.

But listen to me now, and this is important. Don't let rules rule you. You'll end up becoming a teacher. Do you understand?

Bob: I think I do.

Alvin: Then why are you alone? Now I'm the old man, and I'll tell you this. Every person is not a map. You can't figure everyone out! Sometimes, you have to lose yourself to find yourself.

Bob: (viscously) I think I know enough about loss.

Alvin: Hmm it's your old man, isn't it? I can see it in your eyes. It's not the same. I hope you discover your pupil earlier than me.

Bob: Excuse me?

Alvin: I said Alright. I hope you discover your true bill earlier than me.

(there is a look exchanged. both people know that nothing more need be said)

(motion freezes, except Bob)

And at that moment. Something made me unsure of myself.


---

(the scene is a diner and it's night, everyone is frozen except Alvin, Alvin is drinking coffee, Bob is eating Bacon)

Alvin: Bob! He could read me straight as a book! Now I've always had that, but to see that in another! Foof! He made me unsure. And the more unsure I felt about myself, the more sure I felt about him.

Heck, there I was old and supposedly wise, but it sure as heck seemed he was on to me!

(motion resumes)

Alvin: That was well planned Bob.

Bob: Thank's, I'm a quick student.

Alvin: So how'd you know?

Bob: About the plan? Simple. You told me.

Alvin: I don't understand.

Bob: Well you told me the plan would be whatever you thought I would do.

Alvin: That's interesting, and you knew what I thought that you thought that that was wht I would think you'd do? Here, have a drink. (pours some coffee). Do you play chess Bob?

Bob: What the fuck do you think we've been doing?

Alvin: What?

Bob: I said it wouldn't it be luck, if that's what we're doing?!

---

(the scene is breakfast time at a diner (morning), everyone is frozen except Bob. Bob is visibly older)

Bob: You know the strange thing about time? It only passes when you don't realise it. It's like Shakespeare said. The world's a stage and you're an old geezer. You only realise that you are right when you're a child again and by then, no one gives a fuck anyway. Don't you see it?

(motion resumes)

Bob: Pa! Are you alright?

Alvin: Yeah son, I think I am now.

Bob: Can I get you something Pa?

Alvin: Coffee. And don't forget the fuckin cigarettes. Never forget them.

Bob: Right, coffee and cigarettes any thing else?

Alvin: Oh and could you see if you can get the legend of 1900 too? These kids these days, they pay attention to everything important. Steal the card will you? I want to know who they are; I want to know where they are; I want them to know who they are; who you are; I want them to see, and I want them to... what was I saying?

Bob (pouring coffee for himself and whiskey for Alvin): The question Pa, is what makes you think they don't pay attention to everything important?

Alvin: Oh Bob! You never understood me, as long as you think they don’t; they don’t. You see, I had a talent. Now, I've given it to you. Go out and get them. I taught you to be a teacher because I had none. What are you a fuckin sparkplug? Did I teach you that? Hah? Dimwit moronic, modo. You are a dodo. Quack quack. Hahaha.

You see what we’ve done? Hah? You see it? We’ve screwed each other. ‘cos I’ve fallen in love with you. And you’ve taken to call me Pa too. Which fails to make you ridicule me in public and you do it in private which is worse. And I tell you I aint no sparkplug. QUACK QUACK. I may be a duck but I ain’t no fuckin sparkplug

(pause)

What you drink your coffee black now?

Bob: Yeah.

Bob: I taught you how. Don't you see?

(pause)

Alvin: Well, what are you gonna do about it? I die tomorrow. Do you even know who I am, will you know who to call to the funeral? QUACK.

(pause)

Bob: No.

Alvin: Well you better start find out, yes?

…

(the scene is a cemetery. Alvin lies dead. Everyone is frozen in condolence. Only Bob is animated)

(there is a line of never ending people, who line up to offer flowers at the body (they are not frozen even though the priests and everyone else except Bob, is/are frozen). Each flower is a “thank you teacher” muttered under breath)

(someone's flowers drop, Bob picks them up and places them on the coffin).

(motion resumes and the Priest says:)

Priest: And at the end, he said, “Eloi Eloi Lama Sabachthani”, Father, Father, why have you forsaken me...

(the end)