The Adventures of Ani and Anna: Part I

Hi there. My name’s Ani. I am a 23 year old, heterosexual Tamil boy living in Singapore, and my favourite food is rice. Curd rice. I’m kind of in between jobs right now, so I spend most of my time at home musing and brooding. Anyway, I haven’t really been in touch with my feelings for a while, so I thought I would publish my journal here on blogger.

About me: I just moved into a quaint little home in a picturesque corner of western Singapore with a couple of seniors of mine from university. One of them is the greatest, masculinest man to roam the planet. His name is Khasali, but I call him Anna (tamil for ‘elder brother’) as a mark of my deep, platonic respect for him. The other is an ugly, two-timing bastard named Kaka. All he does is suck up to anna. He isn’t a true best friend of anna’s the way I am.

Off we go then. Be prepared for candid revelations, sheeple!!

Monday

7.00 PM. Anna left home, giving me specific instructions to stay home all evening and watch over things. I’m so proud that he trusts me enough now to give me important assignments!

8.30 PM Bored of Nip/Tuck reruns. Went over to Holland V looking for white people, and guess what? Anna and Kaka were at a table, drinking together! Naturally, I pulled up a chair. Although anna feigned a look of disgust on his face, I knew he was secretly glad I could join in the male-bonding session!!

8.45 PM Proud of how sober I was despite having had a wholeeee shandy! Confessed to anna how he was like my Dr. Cox, who told me to “shut the fuck up, you twat” and that he didn’t care abut my ‘penis-doctor’. I’m becoming such a masculine man these days, drinking beer with the guys and what not! This feels just like girls’ night out, except that it’s, like, guys’ night out! Made mental note to blog about the mythical guy-high.

9.00 PM Took pee-pee break. When I came back to the table, anna and his annoying sidekick had disappeared. Anna’s boyish hide-and-seek-come-and-find-me pranks are sooo endearing!!

9.35 PM Couldn’t find anna anywhere. Heading home. Hope he doesn’t miss me too much. :(

Tuesday

9.00 PM Heard Kaka and anna playing a game of Playstation downstairs. There was laughing and cheering. Anna seemed to be enjoying himself. Went down and joined in the laughter, but anna didn’t seem to care. :(

11.00 PM Updated my Facebook status to ‘Ani may have just found his platonic rival!!!’

and marvelled at the attention-grabbing qualities of multiple exclamation marks. Shuddered at the memories of a Facebook that only accepted ‘is’ status messages. My, has civilization come a long way or what!

11.30 PM Spent the last half an hour refreshing my twitter to see if someone’s status linked to their moblog post about how witty my Facebook status was. No such luck. :(

Wednesday

8.30 PM Spent the day eagerly awaiting Anna’s return from work.

9.00 PM When the moment arrived, I looked away and ever-so-nonchalantly asked him if he was ‘up for a game, mate’. I’m getting so good at man-speak these days. “Fuck off you cunt, I don’t play with dipshits”. I love anna’s one-liners, and how he does his I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-you act when in reality, he sooo does. We all know it’s just part of the whole masculine charade; he’s going to ‘change his mind’ in, like, five minutes.

9.10 PM Appears as though anna was serious about not wanting to play with me. I’m going upstairs to brood.

9.15 PM Can hear anna playing with Kaka downstairs. Strange. Maybe anna is saving up his attention for me for one of our male-bonding sessions, like the time he came into my room, mumbled something about me being a ‘cocksucker’, and clobbered me with a cricket bat for playing Beyonce!! Anyway, we all know who anna’s bestest friend on the planet is, so there. :P

Thursday

9.00 AM Have to go to the immigration office in a while to get a visa. Those red-tape nitwits need me to find a guarantor for my stay. Guess who I’m going to ask? ;)

He must be sleeping, but everyone knows that bestest-buddies-in-the-universe don’t have to knock before entering each others’ rooms. :)

9.05 AM Will post update on how things went inside anna’s room after tending to my broken jaw.

10.00 AM Ok, here’s how it went. After expressing playful ‘violent rage’ at being awakened from his manly sleep, anna promised to do it if it meant that ‘I would get the fuck out of the room.’ So I made him sign the form, and in the column for ‘relationship with applicant’, he filled in ‘Friend’!!!!!! Left the room with a tear in my eye. And not because of the jaw.

6.00 PM Finished updating my blog about how much it meant to me that anna had chosen an important government establishment as the forum for formalizing our union of camaraderie. Tried to update my Facebook relationship status. Damn thing won’t accept ‘In a friendship with.’ Cried myself to sleep.

Friday

6.00 PM Kaka made offhand disparaging remark about anna. Defended anna’s honour, and made mental note to be mean to him for a few days. Twat.

7.00 PM Microblogged about how much I love mental notes. :)

11.00 PM Left for Clarke Quay to look for white people.

2.30 AM The white people around here are sooo not friendly to me. Heading home. :(

Saturday

4.00 PM Finished up season 3 of Desperate Housewives. Was just thinking how AWESOME it would be if I could find a gorgeous girl called Anna to go out with, just so that I could dump her in the name of ‘bros b4 hoes, annas b4 Annas.’!!

4.05 PM Shared my feelings with anna. He didn’t seem impressed either by my clever wordplay or by my sentiment. I bet that nincompoop Kaka been poisoning his mind against me.

11.00 PM Left for Clarke Quay to look for white people.

2.30 AM The white people around here are sooo not friendly to me. Heading home. :(

3.00 AM The microblogosphere doesn’t like my punning skills either. This SUCKS. People SUCK. :(

Sunday

3.00 PM Caught Anna laughing at Chris Crocker’s Leave Britney Alone video. LOL. It’s sooo awesome how we both share the same sense of humour. Everyone knows Britney is sooo last-season. Made mental note to invite anna over to my room the next time I download sound-bytes from Jus Timberlake’s new album! ;)